Happy Valentine’s Day! How to say, “I love you.” Even when you don’t feel like it.

I love youHow many of you have stood in front of the greeting card section at your local grocery store, just days away from Valentine’s Day, snorting or hrmphing at the prose expressed on romantic cards?  I have.  In fact, one time I snorted and mumbled “Yeah, right!” loud enough so that the woman next to me broke up in raucous laughter.  I apologized and walked away lamenting (quietly) about the state of my marriage mind.

There are times in any relationship when the shine has worn off, the dents and dings show, or worse, rust and corrosion has undermined the very foundation of who you two used to be.  Here is a short list to still honor the man you married, regardless of the state of your relationship:

  1.  Do something completely different, together.  If you’ve never golfed, go to the driving range.  If you haven’t been to a library, lately, sit quietly flipping through magazines and watch who uses it and talk about the future of libraries.  Try cooking a brand new dish, together.  Walk quietly through a cemetery, in the daylight. Go to a jazz festival, because you’ve never been to one.
  2. Watch and listen to him and find out what he’s been reading, listening to, watching and suggest he read a chapter to you, listen to a track or two with him, or watch an episode.  Just sit and be there.
  3. Get out of your city/town for the afternoon (evening puts too much romantic pressure on a stifled relationship).  Schedule a babysitter, if needed.
  4. Tell him to describe 1 hour, 1 meeting/job/project that he was involved with or responsible for and 1 drive/bus ride/walk to work.  You’ll be surprised by what you learn…about him. You’ll also be surprised at what you didn’t know…about him.

Did you make some suggestions and he poo-pooed them? Did he insinuate you’re nuts?  Then go and enjoy yourself, and come back and tell him how much fun you had.  Feel good that you tried.  Or did you two reconnect in even the smallest way?  Like a smile or you held hands or it was just simply quiet between the two of you?

What are your ideas? What worked?  What didn’t? Please add them in the comments section.  Remember the rules:, no bashing, swearing or griping. Only helpful solutions and tips, please! Hurting people may be reading this.

Your Happy Warrior,

Annette

“Your Success, My Support”: Intro to Snark Stoppers

“Your Success, My Support” is a series of short videos to help guide you as we unpack a delicate topic!

Women Business Owners, if you’re navigating a relationship with an unsupportive husband, I’m here to help & support your journey, so that you can continue to grow a thriving business (amidst the trials of marriage).

Today, I’m sharing TIPS & SCRIPTS from my e-book, “7 Snark Stoppers: How To Stop or Slow-Down Your Husband’s Hurtful Comments”.

Let’s jump into today’s tip video:

 

For more information on the release of my new book “Till Business Do Us Part: How to Thrive in your Business & Survive Your Unsupportive Husband”, please visit my website at https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

To contact me directly about joining one of my private Facebook Groups (“Your Success, My Support” or the Business (Re)Builders Group) please email me at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com

Stop whining, blaming and complaining in its tracks with 1 simple tactic (and a cute kitten picture).

So, you are faced with another issue.  Yours, theirs, whoevers.  Stop whining, blaming and complaining immediately with 1 simple tactic.

Dee Dee Artner said, “Blaming others is an act of refusing to take responsibility. When a person can’t accept the fact or the reality, they blamed another person or the situation instead of taking accountability. If you have time to whine then you have time to find a solution.” 

I love that.  But, I take it one step further with all my critical relationships (my children, husband, employees, volunteers, etc.).  My simple tactic drastically reduces and in many cases, stops whining and complaining Stop whining, blaming and complainingin its tracks.  The tactic?  Insist that if a problem exists and they must “tell” you about it, then they must also bring to the table 3 solutions to fix it. Perhaps those 3 solutions aren’t applicable or realistic (especially in the case of a young child, story below) but what it does is shift the thinking to solution mode rather than stay in complaint mode. The other benefit to this trick is eventually the person will learn that they have to come to you with 3 solutions and they a): either don’t bring it to you or (even better) b): they figure out the solution and the problem is solved and done! Added benefit is children (and adults) start thinking strategically about problem-solving rather than having a reactive approach to problem solve.

Why do you have to keep children’s solutions in perspective?  I’ll tell you a story to illustrate. When I was a little girl of 6, I received a kitten as a gift by my beloved grandmother.  I Stop whining, blaming and complainingloved that kitten.  I called her Furful, because she was full of fur.  Well, after some time, it became evident that my older brother was allergic to her. My parents had to tell me the tragic news that Furful couldn’t live with us anymore and had to go to the local animal shelter.  I was heart-broken and in my wails I howled, “There must be another way!”  My dad in his infinite wisdom asked, “What would you have us do?” Sitting there looking up at my parents, I thought long and hard about my big brother (who I really didn’t like very much then) and how much I loved Furful.  I said in complete seriousness for my 6-year-old brain and broken heart, “Well, give HIM away!”  Furful you were never forgotten. 🙂

 

 

 

Shi(f)t Happens: Change Your Path

Shi(f)t Happens to us all.  You get to choose how you react to it.  When faced with it:

  • Sometimes you need to change course, reverse course, change direction.
  • Pull up the stakes, break camp.
  • Do a turn-about,double-back, do a 180.
  • Repeal, Have a change of heart.

It’s Ok if you do or you must.  Just promise yourself to make it an adventure.

Shi(f)t Happens

How can I change someone?

We are all wired differently.  We don’t always agree.  How can you change someone so you are on the same page?

Simply answered?  You can’t. But, you can change your reactions to events, people and situations. Especially if you witness a pattern in your life that doesn’t serve you or others.  If you hear yourself saying/thinking, “If they would just (fill in the blank).” Or, “If they just wouldn’t (fill in the blank)” more often than not, then you need to look within, not out.  The exception to is, if in their presence you feel bad, confused or unworthy, you don’t need to invest any time in “changing” them.  You need to move on. A healthy, dynamic relationship will bring out the best in you and others, not the worst.


Change SomeoneA look in the mirror:                                                                                Do you have that nagging sense that you are making someone feel perpetually bad, confused or unworthy? It’s time for serious reflection on what you are and aren’t bringing to the table.  Look at your underlying heart-attitude and behaviors.


 

   As always, your family-friendly, helpful comments are welcome!

Introducing FREE Download: 7 Snark Stoppers. How to Stop or Slow-Down Your Husband’s Hurtful Comments

7-snark-stoppers-coverI’m so excited to GIVE YOU A FREE (and HELPFUL) GIFT! Introducing my free ebook, “7 Snark Stoppers. How to Stop or Slow-Down Your Husband’s Hurtful Comments.”  Some time ago, I realized that to give my business my best efforts, I had to create some peace with my husband. The first order of business was to change the dynamics of my communication style with my husband.  This ebook provides you with pointed advice and seven practical tools to get out of a rut and replace what may have become bad communication habits.

I’ve been in your shoes.  My husband had a very critical communication style and I didn’t have the tools to deal with it correctly.  This created a challenging and oftentimes chaotic marriage.  This ebook is intended to give you some tools for dealing with criticism, snarky comments, back-handed sass and intentionally hurtful remarks.

7 Snark Stoppers are ready-made, field-tested, phrases to help you stop, or at the very least, slow-down, the onslaught of negativity and verbal abuse, without going to the dark side. ONE of you must remain grounded! 🙂 Just like exercise videos, I have created a beginner and an advanced option for each Snark Stopper. I urge you to select one or two Snark Stoppers and start with the beginner option.  Commit it/them to memory so you’ll be prepared when the next “exchange” occurs.   After you’ve naturally used it, several times, progress to the advanced option.  Be sure to rehearse it and make it yours.

Just fill out the form to the right and we will email you a PDF copy of, “7 Snark Stoppers, How To Stop or Slow-Down Your Husband’s Hurtful Comments.

I pray and hope that interactions with your husband will transform from cynical, sarcastic exchanges to meaningful connections that provide a pathway to appreciation and compromise.  In other words, a grown-up relationship that provides security, safety, and love.

As always, please let our wonderful community of women who share what you’re experiencing know what worked for you, what didn’t, or any new suggestions with a family-friendly comment, below.

I’m in Your Corner!

P.S.  Many of these will work with sassy co-workers and teenagers, too! 🙂

Everywhere I turn, I hear anti-business sentiment. Should I start a business in this environment?

start a businessBusiness has gotten a bad rap, lately.  Whether it’s from the masses that don’t understand how (small) business is the engine of this country or some are suspicious (or jealous) about the perks that large multi-national companies provide their employees (Click here for some of the most I-wish-I-had-those creative perks) or a serious lack of understanding from the media by generalizing business as greedy or bloated.  But even though some may be, generalizing  is globalizing.  Some even say starting a business is only for the young (Gen X and technology start-ups are often synonymous).  I challenge those naysayers, cynics and pessimists.  Business in its purest form creates jobs, provides a needed product or service, pays taxes and makes their local communities better.

If you feel called to start a business, the timing is right in any environment.  Look at these examples:

  • Gerry and Rosie Wilson, in their late 60’s, started a small boutique winery, Wilson Creek Winery, in Temecula, CA, with 20 acres.  Now a multi-generation family business, Wilson Creek Winery has 900 acres, bottles 30,000 cases annually, hosts 1,000 people every weekend and has 75+ employees. Beyond their winery, tasting room and bottling facility, they have a restaurant, a hotel, and picnic grounds. They are also known as the largest destination wedding event site in Temecula, CA.  They have been recognized and awarded internationally for their famous Almond Sparkling Wine served worldwide and on US naval aircraft carriers.
  • Publix Supermarkets, Columbia Sportswear, Little Debbie Cakes and other recognizable names were started during the Great Depression.  In fact, it may be counter-intuitive, but the % of entrepreneurship eclipses the unemployment rate when our economy tanks.
  • Joy Mangano started her household product mega-business as a struggling, single mother of 3, by inventing a mop. She persevered against naysayers, detractors and product failures.
  • And then there’s me, Annette de Lancey Giacomazzi, founder of CastCoverz!, and author of the soon to be published book, Till Business Do Us Part, How to Thrive in Your Business & Survive Your UnSupportive Husband, and this blog, survived and even thrived among unbelievable odds.  Not only was I in a battle with my emotionally unsupportive husband on a near daily basis, but my first (and only) business partner went MIA after just 3 months then requested a big check or a law-suit (buyer beware: don’t go into business with friends without a Partnership Agreement; especially friends that have similar skill sets).  Then, my first run of manufactured goods was flawed and couldn’t be altered or sold (another expense).  Finally, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on my 50th birthday.  All those events took place during my first year of business!

Don’t let anyone denigrate business or your calling to start one.  Going into business is courageous, humbling and noble.  You can either have a business or you can have excuses.  But, you can’t have both.

Your Happy Warrior (a person undiscouraged even in the face of difficulties; plucky crusader),

Annette de Lancey Giacomazzi

4 Words to Memorize BEFORE Responding to Others

If you’re like me, you wish you had a simple formula in responding to others especially during tense times.  Use of these 4 words will create success that can change your life.  This is critical for everyone, when tested.  There was no better test for me than parenting my children.  I remember a particularly stressful season with my 2 then young children when I spotted a bumper sticker that read, “Is it Wise, Kind, and Truthful?”  Bingo!  I had something I could remember and latch on to.  But, over time, I realized I said things that just weren’t necessary to verbalize. 4 Words Will Create Success

This happened on the flip side, too.  I heard things that weren’t necessary and detracted from the intent of the conversation.  So I added “…and Necessary?”  My goal, now, is to have my response meet all 4 criteria.  When I follow this, a lot of hurt and pain is avoided; mine and the person I’m communicating with.  If what I want to say doesn’t meet all 4, I don’t open my mouth.  It really is that simple.

BONUS:  If someone says something particularly harsh or puzzling, just ask them, “Was that wise, kind, necessary and truthful?”