What this blog isn’t


  • What this blog isn'tIt isn’t about complaining or whining. Because complainers want 1 of 2 things: to have someone to fix “it” (because it is easier to complain than find a solution) or they want validation for their feelings or beliefs. Neither promotes growth and learning.  If your husband is a chronic complainer, don’t complain about him.  If you complain about your husband, stop.  When we’re hurting and confused about anything or anyone, the knee-jerk reaction is to complain because it gives the perception we’re doing something.  But, in reality, it keeps us from taking action. Let’s not forget, that complaining is a drain and boring. Who wants to be that?
  • It isn’t about husband bashing.  No matter how difficult your situation is or you perceive it to be,  do NOT lower your responses to his level.   You may not recognize it, but he is still a human being and has value.  Rise above it and when you do, do it well and with all the respect you can muster.

Please consider this your safe, happy place where you can get answers to questions you didn’t even know you had. Have faith knowing TBDUP is the place to find clarity, direction, support, and encouragement.

I’ve been there.   Breathe. We’ll get there, together.

Annette de Lancey Giacomazzi


How can I change someone?

We are all wired differently.  We don’t always agree.  How can you change someone so you are on the same page?

Simply answered?  You can’t. But, you can change your reactions to events, people and situations. Especially if you witness a pattern in your life that doesn’t serve you or others.  If you hear yourself saying/thinking, “If they would just (fill in the blank).” Or, “If they just wouldn’t (fill in the blank)” more often than not, then you need to look within, not out.  The exception to is, if in their presence you feel bad, confused or unworthy, you don’t need to invest any time in “changing” them.  You need to move on. A healthy, dynamic relationship will bring out the best in you and others, not the worst.

Change SomeoneA look in the mirror:                                                                                Do you have that nagging sense that you are making someone feel perpetually bad, confused or unworthy? It’s time for serious reflection on what you are and aren’t bringing to the table.  Look at your underlying heart-attitude and behaviors.


   As always, your family-friendly, helpful comments are welcome!

Communicating is not the answer

CommunicatingHow many times have you said (or thought) after an altercation, of any degree, with anyone, “This would be so much easier if we/he/she could just communicate!” Communication is when two or more people are trying to get their point across.

What’s missing is the lack of trying to understand the other’s point of view, perspective, or opinion. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, but instead, they listen with the intent to reply.

A genuine effort to try to understand is accomplished by asking relevant, thoughtful questions.  For example, asking leading questions, such as, “Why do you think that?” or “What aspect are you referring to?” or “How certain are you of this?” or “Why did you say that?” will go a long way in forging communication a connection.

It’s only with connection that you can touch the heart.  Think about how you feel when someone asks you thoughtful questions.  You feel cherished, valued, important.  Do the same for those you love or are close to.  Heck, try it with the grocery clerk.  You’ll be amazed at the heart print you’ll leave behind.

CHALLENGE:  For the next 3 days, I challenge you to put down your need to reply/defend/say something pithy, witty or funny and just listen to everyone you have a conversation with. Don’t listen with the intent to reply, but listen to ask more questions.  Really try to connect. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Let us know what happened, below, in the comments section.

Is your business your lover?

Is Your Business your lover?Ahh, February, the manufactured month of celebrating love.¬† ūüôā Remember the first few months of being in love? ¬†All you could do is think of HIM. Talk about HIM. ¬†Dream about HIM. Give HIM your best. Be your best for HIM. ¬†Think about out-of-the-box creative plans¬†for HIM. ¬†Spend a lot of time with HIM even to the point of forgetting you had a life outside of HIM. And boy, did HE respond. ¬† It was thrilling, exhilarating, even seductive. ¬†You’re smiling, aren’t you?

Now, let’s replace HIM with YB, aka Your Business.¬†All you can do is think of YB. ¬†¬†Talk about YB.¬† Dream about YB. Give YB¬†your best effort, attitude, and hours. ¬†Be your best for YB. ¬†Think about out-of-the-box¬†creative plans¬†for YB. ¬†Spend a lot of time with YB¬†even to the point of forgetting you had a life outside of YB. ¬†And boy, did YB¬†respond. ¬† It was thrilling, exhilarating, even seductive.¬†Are you smiling? Or squirming? ¬†Listen to what your body is telling you.

If you’re like me, you love to go to work, you love to work in your work and you love to work on your work. ¬† It’s the place where the amount of effort you put in is often rewarded by a factor of X. ¬† For me, work is my happy place. I¬†invest in my¬†employees, my¬†customers,¬†my¬†systems, and¬†my¬†product/services. ¬†And by invest, I don’t mean just money. ¬†I mean I¬†invest all my¬†resources, including my¬†most valuable of resources, my time and energy. ¬†But the real seduction? ¬†I can create the environment and a culture. Talk about an ego boost! I’ve¬†been described as a¬†workaholic. The term has even been hurled at¬†me, repeatedly. ¬†¬†It’s something I¬†wear as a badge. ¬†A big badge. And I’m proud of it.

But, that’s the problem. ¬† When pride enters the picture, love leaves. ¬†The devotion I have to my¬†business may be a source of provision, a creative outlet, and in my case, a safe and happy place (read: an escape from the hurt at home). But, denying those that love me, and sacrificing my¬†most important relationships can¬†have devastating consequences. ¬†Give to your business. ¬†But, save the best for those that love you and those you love.

I look forward to reading your helpful comments and observations, below.

Your Happy Warrior (a person undiscouraged even in the face of difficulties; a plucky crusader),

Annette de Lancey Giacomazzi