Show me the money, honey!

 

The standard entrepreneur and spouse dynamic can be very touchy.  As entrepreneurs, we have a high-risk tolerance.  Non-entrepreneur spouses typically have a much lower tolerance.  Entrepreneurs are optimistic and often obsessed with their business.  Spouses of entrepreneurs are often more wary of the business’ upside and don’t feel connected to it. Adding fuel to the fire, entrepreneurs spend a lot of time with their “other” child, their baby, their business, which can breed resentment.  Add the dynamic of entrepreneur as wife AND spouse as husband and we’re all on new ground. Now, throw in the different styles of handling money and that ground just gave way to a sinkhole. Just for added measure, men are typically more practical and women are often relational.  In fact, your husband’s practicalism can come across to you as resistance or lack of support. Put entrepreneurialism, male/female dynamics and different money styles in the same relationship and you have the potential of creating significant discourse in a marriage.  The good news? That just means it’s time for meaningful discussions.  It can take time, work and dedication to help our spouses understand our business, our dreams, our motivations with the hope they can become our allies. There is a lot of loneliness and heartache in the process, on both sides. Not just for us women, but for the men who love us and stay with us. But, I can help shorten your learning curve. And one of the shortest ways is to show me the money, honey!

Ideally, your business is a profit driven business vs. a drain-the-family-finances beast.  The surest way to drive a wedge between you and your husband is if you’re not contributing to the family coffers, regardless of the reasons why.  Are you also sacrificing family time, private time with your husband, household needs, your health, to work on your business?  If so, this will surely add to his level of frustration and resentment.

For everything, there is a season.  When you start a business it will take up a lot of your time. When a major project comes along and you need to give it your all (think of the launch of a new product line, a book, being on Shark Tank).  Hopefully, you secured the stakeholders (your family’s buy-in) to pursue these efforts.  Perhaps you had a serious health issue, family matter, or life-altering event that forced you to put the business on the back burner, but now you’re going at it with all 8 cylinders.  Putting those situations aside, have you been working at your business for 2-3 years and you’re still using the business as an excuse to avoid your responsibilities at home, for not contributing to the family account? Check out this post, “Is Your Business Your Lover?”, for some additional insight. Additionally, perhaps you’re treating your business as a hobby.   If you’re not sure, here’s a helpful post for you, “Is Your Business a Hobby or a Real Endeavor?

How do you determine if he is just being practical or if he is resentful and unsupportive of you building your blockbuster business?  It is best not to dismiss gripes, but to respond in a compassionate manner.  Ask him what he is worried or fearful of. Listen carefully to his response. Perhaps he’s worried about the future of your retirement accounts or is feeling ignored or sidelined. He may even be worried about your health.   You can make bargains like Nina did.  A stay-at-home mom with a rockin’ transcript business. When she started the Show me the money, honeybusiness, Mike was very leery, so Nina made small bargains with him. Such as, if she made $X in XYZ time-frame, they can purchase/do ABC.  Then she upped it a little with each new bargain. Over time, the “bargains” gave him concrete examples of her dedication and the potential for the business. Barbara, a lawyer who struggled to get her private practice going in the early years, consistently hit income goals. In other words, she hustled and her husband worried less.   Nina and Barbara didn’t come from an adversarial perspective but rather worked with their husbands to have their goals met. You’ll also need to address the issue and come to a thoughtful, realistic agreement that you and your husband can both live with.

Have you tried those tactics and your husband is still critical and unsupportive, but you know you’re building a blockbuster business?  Well, you’ve come to the right place.  Humans are created and wired to connect. And those connections need to be supportive, helpful and encouraging.  By the way, I’m not talking about rubber-stamper-yes-people.  They can be just as detrimental as nay-sayers. But, that’s another post.  We need people in our corner building us up, not tearing us down. The world and our own inner critic do enough tearing down.  The community at Till Business Do Us Part will support you (Hug) and give you the practical advice when necessary (Shove).

I always welcome family-friendly comments. 

Hug and a Shove,

Annette

The Antidote to Frustration: Tip Tuesday!

Thanks for joining me on Tip Tuesday!

Frustration can be an extremely overpowering emotion.

It can cause us to act or speak before taking time to think!

Today, I’m offering 2 TIPS for dealing with frustration & annoyance.

Stay tuned for more Tip Tuesdays!

Please leave your family-friendly comments below!

 

 




A Dirty Word: Tip Tuesday!

Today I’m sharing a DIRTY word I want you to STRIKE from your vocabulary.

The “D” word.

And it’s not what you think…

It’s a word our culture has NORMALIZED because far too often we speak with a sense of #entitlement

But what if we didn’t?

What if we EARNED our reward, without assuming we DESERVE total happiness.

Is this what “The Pursuit of Happiness” really means?

Stay tuned for more Tip Tuesdays!

 




Tip Tuesday: How to Re-ENERGIZE When You Feel Exhausted

We’ve ALL had those days: feeling tired, sluggish, or exhausted…

HERE are 3 Tips for helping you RE-ENERGIZE as you go throughout the day:

1.) GET MOVING

2.) STAY HYDRATED

3.) PRACTICE MINDFUL BREATHING

**BONUS TIP**: GET MORE SLEEP!

Try to incorporate these habits into your daily routine as a means of naturally boosting your energy levels!

I’m here for you – I support you!

https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com




Strike the SH**** Word: Tip Tuesday with Annette

WHAT’S THE SH**** WORD YOU NEED TO STRIKE FROM YOUR VOCABULARY?

(and how are swear words taking away from the effectiveness of what you actually want to say?)

So what’s this WORD that we need to REMOVE from our everyday conversations:
“SHOULD” (and “shouldn’t”)

Using SHOULD creates opportunity for EXCUSES.

Saying Should -OR- Shouldn’t INVOKES SHAME.

Instead of choosing these words, make the conscious choice to DECLARE your INTENT (when you’re READY).

START LISTENING to those around you. Take notice of the follow through or excuses that follow these statements.

I encourage you to begin DECLARING your intent to create a meaningful commitment to ACTION.

LOVE your Business. BUILD your Business.

Share your successes with this exercise BELOW!
https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com




5 TIPS for Women Business Owners: Housebound with Your Unsupportive Husband

Have you suddenly found yourself under the SAME roof as your spouse, 24/7?

When the world suddenly changes (OVERNIGHT), what do you do?!

HOW do you run your business with an Unsupportive Husband right over your shoulder?

As part of my new mini-series, “YOUR SUCCESS. My Support” – I’m sharing 5 TIPS (& some bonus tips), on how to navigate the challenges of being housebound with an Unsupportive Husband.

This tip video unpacks HOW to deal with this NEW situation, that is most likely accompanied by added stress (to your business & marriage).

Women Business Owners, everywhere, NEED to hear these tips, as we transition into a new season of unexpected change!

5 TIPS for Women Business Owners:

#1: Stay Calm (This Too, Shall Pass)

#2: Be Your Best Self

#3: Establish Rules (Logistics VS. Personal)

#4: Strike out the words: “You Always” & “You Never”

#5: “3 Gifts” Daily List Finally,  SHARE this reading exercise (using a quote from the prolific author, C.S. Lewis), replacing the word “Atomic Bomb” with “Virus”: “If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs.”

For more support during this time, you can contact me directly at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com




Happy Valentine’s Day! How to say, “I love you.” Even when you don’t feel like it.

I love youHow many of you have stood in front of the greeting card section at your local grocery store, just days away from Valentine’s Day, snorting or hrmphing at the prose expressed on romantic cards?  I have.  In fact, one time I snorted and mumbled “Yeah, right!” loud enough so that the woman next to me broke up in raucous laughter.  I apologized and walked away lamenting (quietly) about the state of my marriage mind.

There are times in any relationship when the shine has worn off, the dents and dings show, or worse, rust and corrosion has undermined the very foundation of who you two used to be.  Here is a short list to still honor the man you married, regardless of the state of your relationship:

  1.  Do something completely different, together.  If you’ve never golfed, go to the driving range.  If you haven’t been to a library, lately, sit quietly flipping through magazines and watch who uses it and talk about the future of libraries.  Try cooking a brand new dish, together.  Walk quietly through a cemetery, in the daylight. Go to a jazz festival, because you’ve never been to one.
  2. Watch and listen to him and find out what he’s been reading, listening to, watching and suggest he read a chapter to you, listen to a track or two with him, or watch an episode.  Just sit and be there.
  3. Get out of your city/town for the afternoon (evening puts too much romantic pressure on a stifled relationship).  Schedule a babysitter, if needed.
  4. Tell him to describe 1 hour, 1 meeting/job/project that he was involved with or responsible for and 1 drive/bus ride/walk to work.  You’ll be surprised by what you learn…about him. You’ll also be surprised at what you didn’t know…about him.

Did you make some suggestions and he poo-pooed them? Did he insinuate you’re nuts?  Then go and enjoy yourself, and come back and tell him how much fun you had.  Feel good that you tried.  Or did you two reconnect in even the smallest way?  Like a smile or you held hands or it was just simply quiet between the two of you?

What are your ideas? What worked?  What didn’t? Please add them in the comments section.  Remember the rules:, no bashing, swearing or griping. Only helpful solutions and tips, please! Hurting people may be reading this.

Your Happy Warrior,

Annette




“Your Success, My Support”: Intro to Snark Stoppers

“Your Success, My Support” is a series of short videos to help guide you as we unpack a delicate topic!

Women Business Owners, if you’re navigating a relationship with an unsupportive husband, I’m here to help & support your journey, so that you can continue to grow a thriving business (amidst the trials of marriage).

Today, I’m sharing TIPS & SCRIPTS from my e-book, “7 Snark Stoppers: How To Stop or Slow-Down Your Husband’s Hurtful Comments”.

Let’s jump into today’s tip video:

 

For more information on the release of my new book “Till Business Do Us Part: How to Thrive in your Business & Survive Your Unsupportive Husband”, please visit my website at https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

To contact me directly about joining one of my private Facebook Groups (“Your Success, My Support” or the Business (Re)Builders Group) please email me at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com




Reflection: What is Your Intent?

Do you know the reason you acted or spoke the way you did?  Take a moment of reflection.  Think strongly about what may have caused you do react that way.  What was your intent when you did this?

When harshly confronted, when listening to another’s malice or spite about others (think heated opinions about traffic or politics or…), or when someone unexpectedly fesses up about some transgression, human’s typically counter 1 of 3 ways: Flight, Fight or Freeze.  My personal modus operandi?  I freeze.  I am stunned when someone lashes out at me, is spiteful about something or someone (who isn’t there to defend themselves) or is even mildly surly.

To combat this, I internalize 1 question, “What is/was your intent?”  At worst, they huff and puff and storm off. At best, someone may reflect on their reaction and rephrase their statement.  My children, while growing up, heard me ask this question all the time.  It was and still is powerful.

IntentLOOK IN THE MIRROR:  Think of the last time you overreacted.  What was your intent? To vent, to hurt, to dominate? None of these add value and causes ill-will with your partner (spouse, co-worker, parent, child, boss, or friend).