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Announcing the book, “Till Business Do Us Part, How To Thrive In Your Business & Survive Your UnSupportive Husband”

The book, “Till Business Do Us Part, How To Thrive in Your Business & Survive Your UnSupportive Husband”  is scheduled for release in 2020, date to be revealed very soon!

My quest is to shed light on this never-discussed topic. If a woman business owner is struggling with an unsupportive husband, not only is her family suffering, but the risk to her business is great. Why? Because the quality of a woman’s primary relationship affects her business.  She’s either confident in the support she receives or distracted by the lack of support, perceived or real.  And the effects of an unsupportive husband on her business are significant.  She may give up, give in or accept mediocrity.  This is reflected negatively on economic development, for the people she employs, the taxes she pays, and for the contributions she makes through direct donations or donations-in-kind.

My research is demonstrating that the number of women business owners who deal with unsupportive husbands is staggering and the spectrum of that lack of support is wide. But, the one common denominator they all share is the shame and isolation. Shedding light on this dicey topic will give women business owner’s a place to, well, breathe, and find solutions.

This book will not throw husbands under the bus.  Quite the opposite, in fact. The book’s message is getting laser-focused on growing a profitable business and how to accomplish it with everyone’s best interests in mind. This is not a memoir, but I do have empathy and deep understanding of this sticky subject. Any stories I share personally will pale in comparison to the courageous, amazing women business owners I am featuring and the strategies I offer to navigate these tricky waters.

Please share your respectful thoughts, below, or if you wish to contact me personally I respond to all courteous emails at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com.

Your Happy Warrior (a person undiscouraged even in the face of difficulties; plucky crusader),

Annette de Lancey Giacomazzi

P.S. For those of you who have known and have been eagerly anticipating the release of my book, sometimes life throws you curve balls.  Sometimes those curve balls deck you out cold. But, then you get up and finish the game.  And hopefully, the game is better because of your time out.  I am in my time out.  But, there is a benefit! I am collecting more information and case studies to make the book even more valuable for you!

Fight with Fear and Defeat of My Demons: My Personal Story

fight with fearThis is my story about my fight with fear and how I overcame my personal demons. I share the same time-tested strategies I use with my coaching clients to quickly re-center my racing thoughts and feelings allowing me to focus on what is truly important.

One morning, on the dawn of a potentially business-changing event, I woke up riddled with doubt and something else.  It’s normal to have bouts of doubts.  But, as a productive, well-adjusted adult I have coping skills that quickly move me past run-of-the-mill fears and doubts.  But, this time was different.  I was feeling titanic depths of fear.   I could breathe, I could think, I wasn’t sweating, my heart wasn’t racing, so I know it wasn’t an anxiety attack (I’m blessed to have never suffered one but I have those near and dear that suffer greatly).  But, it was fear. Big, very ugly, fear.  And it was trying to overcome me.

Fear?  Fear of what?  This was new to me, especially in the business realm.  Anything business is my comfort zone. I know how to move in and around business.  I live, eat and breathe business. I recognize that doubt and fear cloud your judgment and gets in your way of achieving your dreams.  I also know if I allowed indecision to get in my way it would be my ultimate downfall.  So I asked myself the same 3 questions I coach others when they express feeling fearful, “What’s different? What’s being said in your head? What’s the worse that could happen?” Beyond the questions though is the action I took that I always recommend others take when faced with inner demons.  But, first, let’s dissect those questions:

  1.  What’s different?  I looked at my last 24-48 hours to see if anything was different. Oh, yes.  I had traveled to attend a business conference within driving distance to where my 18-year-old daughter attends college, 2,300 miles away from home.  So, we spent the day before the conference shopping.  First, I’m NOT a fan of shopping, but I AM a fan of my daughter.  Second, she’s at the age where I am, well, an obstacle to her enjoying life, her way.  As I result, I felt very ineffective and sadly, she projected it, too. Once I identified that I could feel clarity knocking on my hotel room door.
  2. What’s being said-in-my-head?  Without resurrecting the now put-to-rest fears, let’s just say my feeling inadequate the day before obviously stirred some gnarly things back to life that had been said to me some time ago.  Once I identified them, I countered each and every one of them with, “That’s not the truth. Here’s the truth…” Peace joined clarity and both were knocking on my hotel room door.
  3. What’s the worse that could happen? I scribbled a few worst-case scenarios on paper and realized that all of them, some definitely not pretty, could be overcome. Even my worst option, “the business could fold” (followed by the very important detail of identifying the feelings: embarrassment and shame), wasn’t life-ending. I’d just have to get a job or start another business!  Once you address your biggest fear it loses its power. Now, clarity and peace joined hands with me and I walked out of the hotel lobby with a spring in my step, my face to the sky and a smile on my face.

But, the biggest part of overcoming fear and keeping it at bay is to do something, anything different and new.  And you always start small.  So, I downloaded the Uber app and hailed an Uber.  If I was home, perhaps I would have finally scrubbed the face of the iron till it shone like new. If I was at work, I would have replaced the old rope cord that operates the warehouse bay doors.  Then I initiated meaningful conversations (e.g.: potential revenue generating conversations) at the business conference.  When I returned to my hotel room, later that day, I pulled up Excel on my laptopfight with fear and mastered a few formulas that had been plaguing me for months.   Fear demons slayed, dead and buried.  Notice I didn’t say go on-line and watch cute kitten videos or watch a good movie.  Passive activity feeds demons.  You need to engage your brain to scrub them out of your head. Brain science has proven passive screen watching is very detrimental to your brain, your eating and sleeping habits, and your mood, not to mention it’s a big time waster. Heroes, warriors, champions, and go-getters (you know, us entrepreneurs!) don’t sit around and watch the screen, any screen.    

BONUS:  Another secret to slaying those demons?  Compliment everybody.  Say something nice to every person you cross paths with. ALL. DAY. LONG.  What happens is almost transcendent. You’ll find yourself looking for people to say something nice to and looking for something in them that is unique.   It’s really a nice diversion from those gnarly demons.  If your demons go deep, volunteer at a shelter of your choice. Food, animal, anything to serve others.  Volunteer every day if you have to.  Serve during your lunch hour.  Stop after work. Demons die of boredom when you serve and love up others. If you can’t find something nice to say to every person you meet in your day, or you get annoyed at the thought of doing this then the demons have a stronghold on you.  Time to take back your thought life. And apologize to those that work and live with you. 

I hope you slay your fear and doubt demons. Because that’s what they are, demons, also known as “the enemy.”  Demons suck the very life out of what makes you special and unique. When you become less they loom large.  They love it when you spend time with them. When you wallow in their darkness they get larger than (your) life preventing you from living a full and happy life. Take back your awesomeness, specialness, and uniqueness and turn-your-back-on those gnarly demons.  Live, love and serve. That will put them where they belong.  Away from your heart, mind, and soul.

Do you have a way of getting rid of your demons?  Please share, below. It’s a great way to serve others. As always, please be considerate and make your comments family-friendly.

Live, love, serve.

Annette

 

Is it abuse? A definition, 5 types, and 2 two questions.

abuse

Abuse is often over-used or used incorrectly. And yet, when it is needed to be said, the word isn’t uttered due to shame. It’s time to set the record straight. The word “abuse” is defined by Merriam-Webster as

  • a corrupt practice or custom

  • improper or excessive use or treatment

  • a deceitful act , deception

  • language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily

  • physical maltreatment

Abuse comes in many forms.  Following are 5 major types:

  • Physical (when physical touch hurts.  Period. Yes, hair pulling, pushing and grabbing is abuse.  It’s that simple.  Throws a punch to the wall next to you also counts.  That is intimidating and not safe.)

  • Emotional (bullying, threatening and intimidating behaviors; you don’t feel safe; you feel crushed, minimized, by  the person that’s supposed to love you, limits your/denies you time spent with friends/family.  Unpredictable responses.  Embarrasses you in public. Framing things as you being over sensitive. Blaming you for their bad behavior.)

  • Financial (withholds information about and/or access to money; stealing/embezzling from accounts for their expenses and not telling you about it)

  • Verbal (when words said by others hurt and/or leaves you feeling confused.  Yelling/screaming/calling you names.)

  • Sexual (forces you to do something you don’t want to do)

    Regardless of the type, they are all difficult to experience.    The first step is to define it for what it is.   For example, you must first accept you are being verbally abused when someone swears at you and calls you names.  You have to say to yourself, “I am being verbally abused” and accept your reality, before you can confront the perpetrator.  But, what if you aren’t sure?  What if you were asleep in the back of the car and he started throwing popcorn at you and laughing.  Is that emotional abuse (embarrassing you in public)? No.  Juvenile? Yes.

    I will add to be framed “abuse” it needs to be a trend or chronic situation, in all abuse categories, with the exception of the physical.  One-and-done is all it takes and the police are called.   Please have some common sense about this.  Don’t count opening the kitchen cabinet door in your face, accidentally, four years ago as abuse.  Especially if nothing remotely similar has happened. That was an accident; and a funny memory you two can share.

Still wondering if is abuse or not?  The best way is to get educated about the topic.  If the dictionary definition didn’t help, here are some excellent resources to get you started (emphasis on emotional and verbal abuse because it isn’t as obvious or defining as physical abuse):

  • The Emotionally Destructive Marriage (Christian perspective on the verbally/emotionally abusive marriage) Book and website.  She exposes the subtleties and subliminal attitudes and behaviors of the abuser that so often confuse and conflict the victim.
  • Love is Respect.org website dedicated to helping young people prevent and end abuse, but everyone can benefit.    Fabulous breakdown of the different types of abuse.  Helpful quizzes and resources.   On-line, 24-hour chat.  You have to take a quiz to activate it.
  • 7 Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship YouTube video created by Adam LaDolce, of SexyConfidence.  Excellent and entertaining.

Finally, I leave you with what may be the two most important questions to ask yourself to determine if what you’re experiencing is abuse:

  •  Does the person behave appropriately to the circumstances?
  •  How do you feel after an encounter with them?

Please remember to leave your kind words or comments below.

Blessings and Joy,

Women Business Owners, What’s Your Kryptonite?

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST WEAKNESS?

Think about Superman’s ONLY weakness being KRYPTONITE; when exposed to the element, he experienced total loss of power.

It’s not always the obvious issues that reveal our weakness.

Sometimes it’s something MISSING from our lives (i.e. morning routines, prayerful meditation, outside support, ETC.)

Can you identify what YOUR KRYPTONITE is?

Name it. Claim it…. & then REPLACE IT!

Today’s Tip Video walks you through strategies & mindsets for overcoming your biggest weaknesses… Stay tuned for more…

https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

Tip Tuesday: How to Re-ENERGIZE When You Feel Exhausted

We’ve ALL had those days: feeling tired, sluggish, or exhausted…

HERE are 3 Tips for helping you RE-ENERGIZE as you go throughout the day:

1.) GET MOVING

2.) STAY HYDRATED

3.) PRACTICE MINDFUL BREATHING

**BONUS TIP**: GET MORE SLEEP!

Try to incorporate these habits into your daily routine as a means of naturally boosting your energy levels!

I’m here for you – I support you!

https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

Monday Mindset: Do You Have a Support Bubble?

WARNING This post is not for people with young children at home who have no time for themselves.
I feel your pain. I do. 

Humans were created and designed to be social. Studies have proven that social connection is vital to every aspect of health and well-being. We get reinforcement and connection with the cues we receive from people. Research has shown if isolated for an extended period of time social animals experience distress, depression, poor health, and even death. Think of the Russian babies with no physical warm touch. No soothing voice or warm embrace. They banged their heads on the metal rods of their institutional crib just to get some kind of stimuli. Breaks my heart. Even animals die in isolation. Now our sickest and the elderly are dying alone in hospitals, scared and alone, with no human touch. Heart breaking.

With so many people isolated from friends, family, and colleagues these days how do we prevent a similar outcome? Especially for those who live alone. You can only ZOOM so many calls. How do you get the support you need? Have you thought of forming your own support bubble?

A support bubble is gaining interest especially in the UK. The premise is you have a handful of people (exclusive only) who don’t necessarily live with you who maintain social distancing and practice safe hygiene, at all times. Trust is a big factor in this scenario.

But I’m going deeper.

Many of our senior citizens in facilities are already in a bubble of self-isolation. Why not let them share their bubble? They are not at risk if they are not out and about and no one is visiting them. It would look like this: facilities with no virus outbreaks allow a “bubble” of 4 or 5 residents the opportunity to socialize. Bingo is a non-sharing activity. So is painting. So is chair yoga. All must adhere to safe health practices.

How about adopting an animal (if your situation allows the responsible adoption of a cat or dog)?

As a woman who is an empty-nester and living alone, in California (the shut-down state of the country), I have created ways to prevent the creep of isolation as best as I can. I have constructed my own version of a support bubble.

The most important thing I do is keep a routine. I have 2 cats (left-overs from my adult children) that are quite entertaining and keep me on track. One cat literally meows in my face or at my feet at 8:30 p.m. until I go to bed. Not only does this make me laugh, every night, this practice allows me to maintain good sleep quality. Of course, the same cat is in my face at 5:15 every morning meowing. And when I say in my face, I mean literally! I smile at him every morning. What a great way to start the day!

I also have a goal (note I did not say habit) is to work out every morning (in my case in my Living Room) after working for a couple hours (I office out of my home). Like “normal” if I don’t do it in the morning it won’t get done. I schedule ZOOM calls and I’m working on two purpose driven projects. I text friends with relevant GIFs just to get engagement. I call my elderly parents almost every day to see how they are doing. I’ve recently taken up the lost art of notecard writing. Just to stay in touch.

And with face mask in hand, I walk outside when I can. I smile behind my face mask whenever I come across another human being just in case in the brief moment our eyes lock they see my eyes crinkle with joy of greeting another human being.

What does your support bubble look like? Who or what is in your support bubble? What do you do to prevent the effects of isolation? And if you’re feeling isolated what can you do to proactively get out of it?

Monday Mindset: “I’m a positive person. Aren’t I?”

As we face uncertainty in unprecedented measure every single day it can be hard to find the positive, forget about mustering the need to sustain it. Everything is Simply. Hard. Now. The irony is I am a “glass half full” gal! But this challenge is worth pursuing because it is needed now more than ever.

I’m not going to get loquacious about hope, positive psychology, or even optimism. Though they are favorite topics of mine. Instead I want to be helpful in a practical “let’s-get-to-the-point” way.

Most people have heard or read the following:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

Gandhi, Lao Tzu, Ralph Waldo Emerson, the father of Margaret Thatcher, and others have been credited with different versions. But, that is a lot to be mindful of and these are trying times. Heck, sometimes it’s hard to remember what day of the week it is! So, if you are committed to being more positive in thought, word, and deeds, I’m going to distill it for you in 4 easy words…
LISTEN TO YOUR WORDS.

Huh?

It’s simple really. Listen to how you describe events or characterize someone. Are you uplifting, edifying, supportive of others and situations? Or do you put a negative spin to it? For example, “I went to the hardware store and they are still struggling with all the new protocols put in place. Oh, and they must still be having trouble getting supplies because I couldn’t get everything on my list. The clerks were really trying but there were some very impatient customers.” Or is this how you sound, “I don’t ever want to go to the hardware store, again! Nobody knows how to drive, the store was out of 3 things I needed, lines are too long, and the clerks are stupid. I had to wait 7 minutes to check out!”

Speaking of “stupid” or “jerk” or “*#*@!$*”, or … if you use that language even once to describe someone or an event, you have your answer: You are not a positive person. In some circles, you would be classified as a jerk. And a big one, too. The oldest book of wisdom even tells us, “Out of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34b). When my children were young pre-teens and share a story at dinner about some event that irked them at school, “Susie did this to me…” I would ask, “what would their story sound like at dinner, tonight?”

Oh, and venting to someone doesn’t abdicate you from being kind in thought, deed, or word. Why would you vent your jerk-ness on someone you love? Yes, you can express your frustration. But don’t ever disparage someone. Even the person that cut you off in traffic. It happens. Maybe their wife was giving birth. Maybe they didn’t see you. Maybe they were texting and could have caused an accident but it didn’t happen.

Give others the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise you are at the same level at the jerk you’re frustrated about.

Here is the good news: you can change your words right now. Not next week or tomorrow. But right now. I challenge it to try it for 3 days. Just 3 days. If you slip up, you get a do over. Just start the 3-day challenge, again. Speak with hope and optimism. Speak positively. Or don’t say anything. It’s that simple. And when you do you will feel a difference. And the difference will be positive.

“Your soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.”

 

 

CONTEXT: Tip Tuesday with Annette

Understanding the VALUE of CONTEXT

Join me for a quick virtual “check-in”, where we’ll be unpacking the INFLUENCE that #context can have in our personal lives & relationships, as well as in our BUSINESSES!


Drop your comments below!

What experiences have YOU had with misinterpreting someone’s message because it was taken out of context? Maybe this has happened to YOU as the business owner? Stay tuned for more TIP TUESDAYS!

Strike the SH**** Word: Tip Tuesday with Annette

WHAT’S THE SH**** WORD YOU NEED TO STRIKE FROM YOUR VOCABULARY?

(and how are swear words taking away from the effectiveness of what you actually want to say?)

So what’s this WORD that we need to REMOVE from our everyday conversations:
“SHOULD” (and “shouldn’t”)

Using SHOULD creates opportunity for EXCUSES.

Saying Should -OR- Shouldn’t INVOKES SHAME.

Instead of choosing these words, make the conscious choice to DECLARE your INTENT (when you’re READY).

START LISTENING to those around you. Take notice of the follow through or excuses that follow these statements.

I encourage you to begin DECLARING your intent to create a meaningful commitment to ACTION.

LOVE your Business. BUILD your Business.

Share your successes with this exercise BELOW!
https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

How To Classify Your Business

What Kind of Business do YOU want to OWN?

Join today’s TIP TUESDAY discussion, helping YOU determine HOW to classify your BUSINESS in order to optimize SUCCESS!

Grab some pen & paper so you can do some brainstorming for the FUTURE of your business:

Let’s START by reverse engineering YOUR Business: What’s YOUR Plan? What’s your EXIT strategy? Where do you SEE your business in the future?

NOW, let’s identify which category YOUR Business falls into?

#1: A Startup

#2: A Lifestyle Business

#3: Scalable or Enterprise Level

FINALLY, let’s discuss: What Type of FINANCING distinguishes your Business?

LOVE Your Business, BUILD Your Business!

Stay tuned for our next Tip Tuesday!

https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

Monday Mindset: Independence

Independence is defined as the quality or state of being independent. It can be attributed to a person or a territory. It also means self-governing. Lately and too commonly, independence is associated with a defiant stance. July 4th is the celebration of our independence from our dependence from the monarchy of Britain. But, have you considered that at the same time the 13 colonies became interdependent with each other?

As we enter into our Federal Holiday of July 4th, I encourage you to think about how are we, as a nation, interdependent. Who and what are we interdependent on? Could we be more interdependent? Could we be less?

But, I also want you to ponder what you became independent from but also what or who you became interdependent on?

Have a Happy and Safe 4th.

Leave your comments below.