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Announcing the book, “Till Business Do Us Part, How To Thrive In Your Business & Survive Your UnSupportive Husband”

The book, “Till Business Do Us Part, How To Thrive in Your Business & Survive Your UnSupportive Husband”  is scheduled for release in 2020, date to be revealed very soon!

My quest is to shed light on this never-discussed topic. If a woman business owner is struggling with an unsupportive husband, not only is her family suffering, but the risk to her business is great. Why? Because the quality of a woman’s primary relationship affects her business.  She’s either confident in the support she receives or distracted by the lack of support, perceived or real.  And the effects of an unsupportive husband on her business are significant.  She may give up, give in or accept mediocrity.  This is reflected negatively on economic development, for the people she employs, the taxes she pays, and for the contributions she makes through direct donations or donations-in-kind.

My research is demonstrating that the number of women business owners who deal with unsupportive husbands is staggering and the spectrum of that lack of support is wide. But, the one common denominator they all share is the shame and isolation. Shedding light on this dicey topic will give women business owner’s a place to, well, breathe, and find solutions.

This book will not throw husbands under the bus.  Quite the opposite, in fact. The book’s message is getting laser-focused on growing a profitable business and how to accomplish it with everyone’s best interests in mind. This is not a memoir, but I do have empathy and deep understanding of this sticky subject. Any stories I share personally will pale in comparison to the courageous, amazing women business owners I am featuring and the strategies I offer to navigate these tricky waters.

Please share your respectful thoughts, below, or if you wish to contact me personally I respond to all courteous emails at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com.

Your Happy Warrior (a person undiscouraged even in the face of difficulties; plucky crusader),

Annette de Lancey Giacomazzi

P.S. For those of you who have known and have been eagerly anticipating the release of my book, sometimes life throws you curve balls.  Sometimes those curve balls deck you out cold. But, then you get up and finish the game.  And hopefully, the game is better because of your time out.  I am in my time out.  But, there is a benefit! I am collecting more information and case studies to make the book even more valuable for you!

What is your business going to look like on the other side of COVID-19 and the Economic Meltdown?

Did your world suddenly change last month? Are you so overwhelmed that you’ve lost your confidence? Is your business adversely affected? Are you DETERMINED to turn it around but you don’t know what steps to take next? Is your unsupportive husband suggesting you shut the business down?

I’ve turned my 12-year-old manufacturing and e-commerce business around twice and it looks like COVID-19 and the economic meltdown will be the third time! Join me in my “Let’s Do This Together” Business (RE)Builder Group! It’s for Women Business Owners who want to get back in the game but not quite sure where/how to start. It’s for Women Business Owners with unsupportive husbands who want to THRIVE in their business regardless of the state of their marriage. It’s for Women Business Owners who want to come out of this on the other side STANDING. STRONG.

If you are a bold woman business owner who isn’t into bashing or blaming, who want results, who is an encourager of others, THIS GROUP IS FOR YOU!

Starting very soon, take a Sneak Peek at my new private FaceBook group: Business (Re)Builders! Oh, and I’m gifting it through the end of May 31st! Stay tuned for details and registration!

JOIN US! Here is the link to my FaceBook page  https://bit.ly/2JyzFX6

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

5 TIPS for Women Business Owners: Housebound with Your Unsupportive Husband

Have you suddenly found yourself under the SAME roof as your spouse, 24/7?

When the world suddenly changes (OVERNIGHT), what do you do?!

HOW do you run your business with an Unsupportive Husband right over your shoulder?

As part of my new mini-series, “YOUR SUCCESS. My Support” – I’m sharing 5 TIPS (& some bonus tips), on how to navigate the challenges of being housebound with an Unsupportive Husband.

This tip video unpacks HOW to deal with this NEW situation, that is most likely accompanied by added stress (to your business & marriage).

Women Business Owners, everywhere, NEED to hear these tips, as we transition into a new season of unexpected change!

5 TIPS for Women Business Owners:

#1: Stay Calm (This Too, Shall Pass)

#2: Be Your Best Self

#3: Establish Rules (Logistics VS. Personal)

#4: Strike out the words: “You Always” & “You Never”

#5: “3 Gifts” Daily List Finally,  SHARE this reading exercise (using a quote from the prolific author, C.S. Lewis), replacing the word “Atomic Bomb” with “Virus”: “If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs.”

For more support during this time, you can contact me directly at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

Announcing “Your Success. My Support.”

“Your Success. My Support” was created for women business owners with unsupportive husbands.

It is a group where you will find “business tips and spouse scripts.”  You will get strategies, tools, and techniques that you can use in your business, now.

But, most of all you will get support.  Support from other women business owners with unsupportive husbands and from me.  I’ve been there.  I get it and I can help.

Join us!  We’re meeting in a PRIVATE group in Facebook https://bit.ly/2JyzFX6

Happy Valentine’s Day! How to say, “I love you.” Even when you don’t feel like it.

I love youHow many of you have stood in front of the greeting card section at your local grocery store, just days away from Valentine’s Day, snorting or hrmphing at the prose expressed on romantic cards?  I have.  In fact, one time I snorted and mumbled “Yeah, right!” loud enough so that the woman next to me broke up in raucous laughter.  I apologized and walked away lamenting (quietly) about the state of my marriage mind.

There are times in any relationship when the shine has worn off, the dents and dings show, or worse, rust and corrosion has undermined the very foundation of who you two used to be.  Here is a short list to still honor the man you married, regardless of the state of your relationship:

  1.  Do something completely different, together.  If you’ve never golfed, go to the driving range.  If you haven’t been to a library, lately, sit quietly flipping through magazines and watch who uses it and talk about the future of libraries.  Try cooking a brand new dish, together.  Walk quietly through a cemetery, in the daylight. Go to a jazz festival, because you’ve never been to one.
  2. Watch and listen to him and find out what he’s been reading, listening to, watching and suggest he read a chapter to you, listen to a track or two with him, or watch an episode.  Just sit and be there.
  3. Get out of your city/town for the afternoon (evening puts too much romantic pressure on a stifled relationship).  Schedule a babysitter, if needed.
  4. Tell him to describe 1 hour, 1 meeting/job/project that he was involved with or responsible for and 1 drive/bus ride/walk to work.  You’ll be surprised by what you learn…about him. You’ll also be surprised at what you didn’t know…about him.

Did you make some suggestions and he poo-pooed them? Did he insinuate you’re nuts?  Then go and enjoy yourself, and come back and tell him how much fun you had.  Feel good that you tried.  Or did you two reconnect in even the smallest way?  Like a smile or you held hands or it was just simply quiet between the two of you?

What are your ideas? What worked?  What didn’t? Please add them in the comments section.  Remember the rules:, no bashing, swearing or griping. Only helpful solutions and tips, please! Hurting people may be reading this.

Your Happy Warrior,

Annette

“Your Success, My Support”: Intro to Snark Stoppers

“Your Success, My Support” is a series of short videos to help guide you as we unpack a delicate topic!

Women Business Owners, if you’re navigating a relationship with an unsupportive husband, I’m here to help & support your journey, so that you can continue to grow a thriving business (amidst the trials of marriage).

Today, I’m sharing TIPS & SCRIPTS from my e-book, “7 Snark Stoppers: How To Stop or Slow-Down Your Husband’s Hurtful Comments”.

Let’s jump into today’s tip video:

 

For more information on the release of my new book “Till Business Do Us Part: How to Thrive in your Business & Survive Your Unsupportive Husband”, please visit my website at https://www.tillbusinessdouspart.com

To contact me directly about joining one of my private Facebook Groups (“Your Success, My Support” or the Business (Re)Builders Group) please email me at annette@tillbusinessdouspart.com

Reflection: What is Your Intent?

Do you know the reason you acted or spoke the way you did?  Take a moment of reflection.  Think strongly about what may have caused you do react that way.  What was your intent when you did this?

When harshly confronted, when listening to another’s malice or spite about others (think heated opinions about traffic or politics or…), or when someone unexpectedly fesses up about some transgression, human’s typically counter 1 of 3 ways: Flight, Fight or Freeze.  My personal modus operandi?  I freeze.  I am stunned when someone lashes out at me, is spiteful about something or someone (who isn’t there to defend themselves) or is even mildly surly.

To combat this, I internalize 1 question, “What is/was your intent?”  At worst, they huff and puff and storm off. At best, someone may reflect on their reaction and rephrase their statement.  My children, while growing up, heard me ask this question all the time.  It was and still is powerful.

IntentLOOK IN THE MIRROR:  Think of the last time you overreacted.  What was your intent? To vent, to hurt, to dominate? None of these add value and causes ill-will with your partner (spouse, co-worker, parent, child, boss, or friend).

Is your business a hobby or a real endeavor?

hobbyHas your husband flat out said or joked around that your business is a “just” a hobby? Have you been plagued with doubts whether your business is real or not?  Do you constantly compare yourself with other businesses and/or business owners?  Well, pull up a chair; we’ve all been there.  But, doubt and comparison are a waste of your great brain.  The first thing you have to do is know the truth and the terms so can defend yourself to others, your husband and most importantly, your inner critic.

The first thing you have to do is define the words hobby and business.

HOBBY: an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation.  Money is spent on the hobby, but money is not derived from it.  There is nothing wrong with spending money or time on a hobby unless it is excessive or necessities are being neglected.

BUSINESS: the activity of making, buying, or selling goods or providing services in exchange for money.

Once you’ve identified you have a business, you define what style it is.  There are two main types: lifestyle and growth.

A lifestyle business is defined as one that allows you to maintain a particular lifestyle. It is often thought of as a solo endeavor.  It typically has limited scalability and potential for growth. It can have employees; it can even have big revenue.  But, it’s purpose is to allow you, the business owner, the ability to live your life on your terms while you run your company.   Old school pundits pigeon-holed creatives, photographers, artists, into this category.  Now, bloggers who are enriched by extended and frequent exotic travel with their families and who are blessed to have the flexibility in their day to watch every one of their child’s soccer games are changing the face of business.  With the explosion of technology, even professionals such as CPA’s and lawyers can have a virtual and nomadic lifestyle.   Home party consultants can generate enough income to pay for a child’s first bike, braces, family travel, and tuition. Typically, lifestyle businesses allow the business owner to work out of their home giving the illusion it isn’t a “real” job though that mindset is rapidly changing.

Replying to an unsupportive husband about your lifestyle business takes finesse.  You want to be firm and compassionate. Here’s an example Darcy, a home-party consultant, shared, “Bob, I like providing “(she listed what her income provided)” for the family. Being a (fill in the blank) gives me an outlet to be social and productive while not interfering with the primary responsibilities of being a mom/wife.” Then she added, “What worries you or what are you fearful of me doing this?”

For the blogger who is tired of hearing, “When are you going to get a real job?” you can lightheartedly reply, “Why would I leave behind travel, experiencing my children’s milestones, and the opportunity to enrich my readers, all while paying my bills and funding my retirement?”  Replace the specifics with your own experience(s) and repeat it over and over, in your head till you believe it, and to the naysayers of your (lifestyle business) life.

A growth business is defined as having revenues increase significantly every year, a strategic long-term vision, and an exit strategy for investors.  This business owner is typically your quintessential 80-hour p/week entrepreneur. Understanding the growth business takes an intimate understanding of the life-cycle of business. There are victorious highs and crushing lows.  Only a resilient business owner can navigate those choppy waters. Unsupportive husbands or ill-advised friends will often ask, “When are you going to give up this fantasy?” They don’t recognize the sacrifices you are making and what you need to do to grow and in some cases rescue the business (remember the mention of the life-cycle of business?).   Responding to the unsupportive husband is trickier because it is highly likely you’re consumed with your business and have neglected him.  You may be neglecting other important people in your life, such as your children, friends or your mother, too. OUCH!  Regardless, it is best not to dismiss gripes, but to respond in a compassionate manner. Ask him what he is worried or fearful of. Listen carefully to his response. Perhaps he’s worried you are spending all of the savings on the business (you shouldn’t be, after a point, but that’s another post), or that he’s feeling sidelined.  He may even be worried about your health. Regardless, you need to address the issue and come to a thoughtful, realistic agreement that you can both live with.

Hopefully, this gave you the needed information to practically address your husband’s comments. Bottom line, feel no shame with producing an income, as long as you’re not jeopardizing your primary relationships, your health or your soul.

As always, I welcome family-friendly, helpful comments!  Have you experienced defining or defending your business to your husband?  How did you respond?

How to Help Those You Hurt (when you made a BIG mistake)

We all make mistakes.  Even my totally cute, perfect friend, Jan.  I don’t know when she did, but she’s a human being so I’m sure she forgot to put the butter away some time and her dog got into it.  Love ya, Jan! <3  But, the other 99.999% of us have made many mistakes and some of them are big, hairy, icky, makes-you-want-to-shake-the-memory-out-of-your-head mistake. How do you get that out of your head? How do you shake that guilt, embarrassment, and yes, shame? How do you know you won’t do it, again?

trust is like paper once its crumpled its not perfect

As a woman of faith, I am thankful Christianity gives me the gift of grace.  It’s God’s “do-over” plan. But, here’s where the rubber meets the road.  Just because I was forgiven by my creator doesn’t mean I can take a pass and commit the offense over and over.  I need to be remorseful and turn from committing the same crimes/sins/mistakes.  Christian or not, that’s a great way to live a life.  Only when we are released from that guilt and shame can we be and do our best.  

If you made a BIG mistake, which sadly means usually hurting those we love, there is a formula to move on:

  • Quickly ask for forgiveness from those you hurt.
  • Never, never say, “because you did “y,” I did x.”  That is deflecting.  Also known as blaming.  That’s what children do.  Take responsibility for your actions, own up to your faults. This is not giving in, it’s growing up.
  • Repeat your mistake, and how you hurt them, in your words. You may not have the exact words, but it shows you’re trying to understand their pain.
  • Let them speak their pain regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you feel.  Sit with it. Your discomfort is fairly low on the “we care” scale, at the moment.  It’s part of the process.
  • Empathize with them.  You must feel their pain for you to grow.  If you don’t feel their pain, seek counseling.
  • Give those that you hurt time to heal on their time-frame, not yours.  If that means getting fired, put on administrative leave, losing someone or something, or any kind of separation, accept it.
  • Let those you hurt re-hash the “event” for awhile.  It’s part of their recovery.  But, after some time, they and you need to move on if healing is going to occur.
  • Make restitution when necessary. Even if it takes the rest of your life.
  • Recognize some mistakes and hurts can’t be overcome.  Be prepared to lose the one(s) you hurt.  This may be the lesson you need to grow and learn.
  • Get help if you need it.  Don’t wait for a court-mandated order or your loved one insisting on it.  Take the initiative and seek professional help. This is taking action.  Action is always esteemed over words.
  • If the relationship continues, recognize it will be different.
  • Don’t do it, again.  Actions speak louder than words and memories fade more quickly if not repeated.

Blessings and Joy,

Annette