Communicating is not the answer

CommunicatingHow many times have you said (or thought) after an altercation, of any degree, with anyone, “This would be so much easier if we/he/she could just communicate!”  Communication is when two or more people are trying to get their point across.

What’s missing is the lack of trying to understand the other’s point of view, perspective, or opinion. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, but instead, they listen with the intent to reply.

A genuine effort to try to understand is accomplished by asking relevant, thoughtful questions.  For example, asking leading questions, such as, “Why do you think that?” or “What aspect are you referring to?” or “How certain are you of this?” or “Why did you say that?” will go a long way in forging communication a connection.

It’s only with connection that you can touch the heart.  Think about how you feel when someone asks you thoughtful questions.  You feel cherished, valued, important.  Do the same for those you love or are close to.  Heck, try it with the grocery clerk.  You’ll be amazed at the heart print you’ll leave behind.


CHALLENGE:  For the next 3 days, I challenge you to put down your need to reply/defend/say something pithy, witty or funny and just listen to everyone you have a conversation with. Don’t listen with the intent to reply, but listen to ask more questions.  Really try to connect. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Let us know what happened, below, in the comments section.

 

How can I change someone?

We are all wired differently.  We don’t always agree.  How can you change someone so you are on the same page?

Simply answered?  You can’t. But, you can change your reactions to events, people and situations. Especially if you witness a pattern in your life that doesn’t serve you or others.  If you hear yourself saying/thinking, “If they would just (fill in the blank).” Or, “If they just wouldn’t (fill in the blank)” more often than not, then you need to look within, not out.  The exception to is, if in their presence you feel bad, confused or unworthy, you don’t need to invest any time in “changing” them.  You need to move on. A healthy, dynamic relationship will bring out the best in you and others, not the worst.


Change SomeoneA look in the mirror:                                                                                Do you have that nagging sense that you are making someone feel perpetually bad, confused or unworthy? It’s time for serious reflection on what you are and aren’t bringing to the table.  Look at your underlying heart-attitude and behaviors.


 

   As always, your family-friendly, helpful comments are welcome!