How can I change someone?

We are all wired differently.  We don’t always agree.  How can you change someone so you are on the same page?

Simply answered?  You can’t. But, you can change your reactions to events, people and situations. Especially if you witness a pattern in your life that doesn’t serve you or others.  If you hear yourself saying/thinking, “If they would just (fill in the blank).”  Or, “If they just wouldn’t (fill in the blank)” more often than not, then you need to look within, not out.   But, if in their presence you feel bad, confused or unworthy, you don’t need to invest any time in “changing” them.  You need to move on.  A healthy, dynamic relationship will bring out the best in you and others, not the worst.

Change SomeoneA look in the mirror:

Are you making someone feel perpetually bad, confused or unworthy? It’s time for serious reflection on what you are and aren’t bringing to the table.  Look at your underlying heart-attitude and behaviors.

As always, your family-friendly comment is welcome!

Business is redemptive

Business is redemptiveRedemption to some is a charged word. But, for me, it means new beginnings.  Redemption means literally to save.  But, it doesn’t have to mean saving others.  Flight attendants have taught us for decades to put on your oxygen mask, first, then turn and put it on others.  Why?  Because we can’t help others if we passed out, or more bluntly, died, from lack of oxygen.

So, then, how can we save ourselves? But, more importantly, why do we need saving? If you’re in a narcissistic, abusive relationship, you need saving.  You also need saving if your husband has poor communication techniques that leave you feeling drained, confused, and rejected. But, first, you need to discover who you are. Why? Because how can you save what you don’t know or isn’t there?  What better way to find out through full expression of creating something new or rediscovering what you’re about. Take, for example, Sophia, who owns a bakery.  Her head and her heart are divided between placating her husband’s constant negative doubts about her and her bakery or focusing on becoming the best bakery her town has ever experienced. What does she love to do? Bake. Not process payroll.  Not package the products. Just bake.  To do that, she needs to put the right people in the right positions.  Even if that means making difficult decisions such as letting some people go or scaling back the business.  She needs to get back to her passion so her business can grow to meet her vision. When Sophia synced with her passion, again, she knew her truth: she is the best baker and is creating the best bakery in her town.  She has a lot more confidence to respectfully defend her husband’s criticisms and intelligently engage in a difference of opinion.

Then, there is the story of Tessa, a vibrant young mother of 3 rambunctious boys, who is caught in the cross-hairs of a verbally and emotionally abusive husband and her desire to transition her exquisite silverware hobby into an income producing business.  Her husband actually said to her, “What makes you think you’re so special? I work hard. I don’t want to hear another word about your stupid silverware s**t, again. In fact, I don’t ever want to see it either.”  Tessa, bless her heart, foolishly thinks that she is doing something, anything to control the circumstances from making that ugly beast come at her, again.  She tries to manipulate the situation by literally putting her business in the closet before he gets home every night.  The truth is her creative, loving soul is tortured with self-doubt and self-flagellation stealing her creativity.   How can someone create something new, something great with messages like that filling her heart, soul, and mind? Without a doubt, Tessa is in a damaging, unhealthy, abusive relationship and needs to not only get out (so easy to say) but she desperately needs to be saved.  Creating her beautiful custom silverware, hearing her customers accolades, and building an environment of support and beauty may just provide the redemption she needs.  But, first, she needs to know her truth.  She needs to correctly label her relationship, so she can move away from it and quit trying to fix it or excuse it away. An alcoholic doesn’t fall asleep on the couch, they pass out.  Chronic complaining isn’t venting, it’s a poor attitude of the heart.  Tessa’s husband isn’t just having a bad day, he is an abusive man and they are in an unhealthy, destructive relationship.

Business redemptive? Absolutely! Hallelujah!